Man's Best Friend

Gut-wrenching.  Welled-up eyes.  A heavy heart.

I know very well what it feels like to lose someone close to me.  The feeling that you get in the moment you find out is one that I will never forget; I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest.  I couldn't breathe.  I couldn't think clearly.  I really didn't know what to do next.

At age nine my family had to put down our sixteen year old cat, Buddy.  He was a fifteen pounds overweight and a diabetic.  It was the first time I ever experienced losing a pet.  My sister was super close with him, and I loved him, but not in the way she did.  It was harder for her to lose him than it was for me.

I had a thirteen year old golden retriever, Max.  He was the sweetest dog I have ever met.  Growing up, I would come home from school and be greeted by his kisses and barks.  Max has always been there for me, through family tragedy and warming my feet at dinner; I don't remember not having him.  He was reliable, loving, and most importantly, one of my best friends.

The beautiful and majestic Max.
Photo by Claire

For a while he hadn't been doing well.  His hips had been giving out and he hadn't been able to get up the stairs or easily go outside.  In the last few days, it has gotten significantly worse.  Max's favorite thing is to eat.  He didn't want to eat his dinner on Sunday or his breakfast on Monday.  He also didn't want to go outside which was one of his other favorite things.

What is the quality of life when you can't keep your food down or get up to look around at the beautiful world?  Because of this question that haunts us, my mom made the executive decision to put him down.

On Monday, all I thought about was Max and how much I love him.  I told my friends, Livi and Sadie, in science that we were putting him down.  To try and cheer me up they started to sing songs.  Then Livi started to sing, "Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high..."  Max was my dad's best friend, and this song plays whenever my family thinks about my dad.  I know that Max will be with him, and that puts my heart at ease.

I am going to miss hearing the click of his toenails on my floor and loving looks.  I am going to miss my best friend who stayed with me when no one else would. I am going to miss the one thing that I don't remember living without.  I love you, Max-a-Million Breiholz.  I will never forget the amazing times we shared together.

"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."

Livspiration

This week, like many other kids at my school, I have the common cold.  I am less than pleasant.  Believe me, I have my days like everyone else.  My voice sounds like I swallowed an old man's voice box.  Yeah, it is that bad.  I am usually a cheery ball of Claireness, but not lately.  To make matters even worse, I try not to cry at school, but I let the tears flow for the dumbest reasons these past two days.

Often times, I feel like I am the friend who helps people through tough times.  I've had my share of rough times, and I wish my friends would have been there a little more.  However this week, only one friend really pulled me out of my selfish, sickly little bubble of grossness: Livi.

Livi and me last year
Photo Courtesy of Mama Claire

Livi is the kind of person who makes you laugh when you want to cry, smile when you are frowning, and giggle at the silly things in life.  I appreciate Livi so much.  She's one of the few people who actually looks on the bright side of life 99.9% of the time. Whenever I am around her, I have a smile on my face.  

Today, Livi was the one who really cared enough to try and bring me out of my awful mood.  To be honest, I don't even know if she was aware that she made me so much better today.  In science and at lunch, Livi was simply herself.  She asked me if I was okay, and even with my response of a thumbs-down, she made me laugh and have a good time. 

99.765658% of the time I am super positive and Claire-y.  But, I am not a "Livi."  Livi just wears a smile and carries it everywhere.  One of her most admirable qualities is how humble she is.  Livi never brags about herself, but there are so many things she could brag about.  For starters, she was moved up to VARSITY lacrosse because her defensive skills are out of this world.  Also, she an amazing ski racer.  She is so dedicated to ski racing and works so hard to be the best she can be.  (And just so everyone knows, she will finish her slalom race this weekend and do a really amazing.)  

I was just perusing her blog and game across a post called, "Healing."  Everything she write is so inspirational and heartfelt.  After reading her entire post, this was my favorite section, 

"Many times in everyone's lives, bad things happen.  

Things that we wish we could avoid, things that we 

wish we could go back and erase.  We look back on the moments 

and the days before these times and think, how could I not 

have seen it?  More times than not with these situations, it seems 

like there were a hundred signs of what was going to

 happen, a hundred signs that we just failed to see.  The truth is 

though, that bad things happen to everyone.  The only truth that we fail

to see is that all we can to is try to heal." 

Overall, I love Livi like a sister.  Every day I learn something from her, and I am honestly inspired.  She's one of my best friends, and I wish I could be more like her.  Livi's energy is so spunky and kind, and by just writing this post, I've become happier.  Thanks Liv :).